As Mark Twain never said, “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.” What he really said was “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” Of course he’s dead now so it’s all moot. I, on the other hand, am not dead…I think. Do zombies think? Let’s just agree that I’m ambulatory.
You may be wondering what has kept me from being here to astound and confuse you. Go ahead, wonder. Hmmm..what could it be? When you figure it out let me know what it was. I’ll bet it’s pretty interesting.
You read that right. Dubs Stache Wax and West Elm South Coast Plaza are presenting a moustache & beard competition. I’ve told you before that Dubs ‘Stache Cream (Firm) is one of the styling products I recommend. Dubs, himself, is a competitive moustacheketeer (it’s my blog, I can make up words) and here’s a youtube of him cutting off enough of his moustache to make me cringe:
Greetings my furry followers! Long time no see. I’ve taken a long hiatus but thanks to the all the fan mail (none) and carefully crafted tales of how my blog has improved your lives (none) I’ve decided to make my triumphant return to entertain (torture) you.
Recently, on the twitters, @edypiro asked me what my top 3 moustache waxes are. Before I do this you need to know that my moustache has gotten pretty long and has always been hard to control. Most of the traditional waxes I’ve used don’t hold it very well any longer but that’s not to say they aren’t great for people with less schnauzer-esque faces.
Last month I had the good fortune to be contacted by Mr Bear of Mr Bear Mustaschvax. He asked if I’d be interested in reviewing his moustache wax and beard oil. Never one to say no to free goodies I took him up on his generous offer. Coming from Sweden, the package took some time to get to me but when it did it contained more than just moustache wax and beard oil, it had the Swedish newspaper comics! I tore into my tin of wax, styled my moustache, grabbed the funnies and headed to the cafe to Google Translate some laughs.
Mr Bear is located in Sweden and is a one man show. He hand makes the moustache wax using all natural ingredients and no “yaky” stuff so it’s petroleum free. The ingredients are very easy to wrap your head around: Beeswax, Lanolin, Shea Butter, Lemon Oil. That’s it. Very cool. The lanolin and shea butter will offer you some conditioning as well.
I always check the referrers to see what brings people to the site to get an idea for what people want to know more about. For example: I frequently see vegan in the search terms. I don’t think I have everything here that’s vegan labelled as such so that’s a project for me. Something I see less frequently is a search for a specific product I didn’t know about. For example: Fisticuffs Mustache Wax.
I found the name interesting because, as we all know, “fisticuffs” are shirt cuffs that are big enough to allow your fist through. Very useful if you have big, giant hands and want to wear tightly tailored shirts…hang on, editor on the line…(Yea, I’m doing the fisticuffs review…of course I did the research…what, really?…Ok, see ya).
In case you’re unfamiliar with ye olde combat sports, fisticuffs is bare knuckle boxing with the late great John L. Sullivan as it’s iconic poster boy. Mr. Sullivan himself sported a fancy handlebar stache. Is Fisticuffs Mustache Wax strong enough for even the great Mr. Sullivan? ding ding! Let’s get ready to …wax! (See how I cleverly avoided being sued by Michael Buffer?)
I don’t particularly like to do reviews that are entirely negative. Almost every product I’ve used has had some usage case that it’s good for, even if that case doesn’t fit into my style. If I can’t make enough use of something to get a good feel for it then I usually just put it aside and move on. Today’s review is a little different though because it’s a product that just doesn’t do what it’s advertised to do and folks who might be interested need to be made aware of this.
Nevermore Body Company Solid Stache Wax Remover is labelled as a moustache wax remover. If you read my reviews you are probably well aware of my love for Wicked Cookie Duster, a liquid moustache wax remover that has proven it’s worth to me time and time again. Unfortunately it has remained without a challenger…until now! I quickly purchased a tube of Solid Stache Wax Remover. Would this young upstart be able to knock Wicked Cookie Duster off of its throne?
Not long ago I went to the mailbox to discover a singularly unremarkable brown mailer addressed to yours truly. On the back was a large wax seal with the initials C.F. elegantly emblazoned upon it. My curiosity was piqued and I attacked the envelope with a wanton disregard for personal safety. A floor full of shredded envelope, a few paper cuts and one hang nail later I held aloft my prize. I small tin of wax with the Captain Fawcett logo upon it! Hurray for me!
When you need that firmer hold required for the tropics
This was a sample of Captain Fawcett’s Moustache Wax in a firm variety. I really like the original formula of Captain’s Fawcett and my waxes are all on the medium side of the medium to firm scale. Yes, sometimes my death defyingly dense moustache will droop after a busy day but that’s fine with me. I was excited to dry a firm wax from a name I trust to see if there was anything to a stronger holding wax.
Uppercut Deluxe Mo Wax is a moustache that was developed by Uppercut Deluxe to celebrate Movember. Movember is essentially Moustache May in November and vice versa. Why you need a special month to sport the greatest of all things sportable is beyond me. You probably know Uppercut Deluxe for its selection of hair products. You can read my thoughts on their pomade here.
Mo Wax comes in a 25ml (.85oz) amber glass jar with an aluminum screw top lid. A black label wraps around about half of the jar. It displays their red logo with the name Mo Wax and the ingredients.
I think it’s about time I introduced you to the Captain. “The Captain?”, you ask. Can it be that they don’t know of Captain Peabody Fawcett and, more importantly, the Captain’s moustache wax? I shan’t stand for it. I have enclosed, through the magic of digital media, a link to “The story behind Captain Fawcett’s Moustache Wax”.
The Captain and his ennobled upper lip
The Captain’s disappearance(?) was tragic but at least we have his moustache wax recipe. Captain Fawcett’s Moustache Wax is handmade in the UK. I must admit that my curiosity has been piqued by the delivery of the product. Everything had a Victorian flare and I could swear I saw the Captain’s signature somewhere…could it be? No…maybe?