I normally try to do a little shtick here in the beginning of a post but I wanted to cut right to the chase.
Mr King’s Marvellous Moustache Wax is, unequivocally, the best moustache wax that I’ve used. I have a couple of waxes in my moustache drawer that are permanent residents and Mr King’s is the one I grab the most.
I could easily end the post there and be satisfied that I got the message out but I’m guessing you’ll want to know why I like it so much. So I’ll go through my usual moustache wax review thing.
Make sure you look for the ‘Beard Shampoo’. Just washing your beard with Abraham won’t end well.
I will now open your hearts and mind with a poem.
leaky coffee lid
winter’s breath chills my cheeks
my beard needs a bath
If this poem has moved you then you understand one of the myriad of challenges faced by the blessed beard bearers. Oh, the sticky beard, what do? If I comb you, I pull out hairs but if I do nothing you are stinky. Alas, the clogged pores! What are we to do?
As Mark Twain never said, “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.” What he really said was “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” Of course he’s dead now so it’s all moot. I, on the other hand, am not dead…I think. Do zombies think? Let’s just agree that I’m ambulatory.
You may be wondering what has kept me from being here to astound and confuse you. Go ahead, wonder. Hmmm..what could it be? When you figure it out let me know what it was. I’ll bet it’s pretty interesting.
I get tons of questions in the piles and piles of mail I get and trust me, those piles of mail: totally giant. Imagine the amount of mail Santa Claus gets around the holidays and that’s one day for me…yup…pretending is fun. One of the most frequently asked question is, “Why do you bother doing this?” followed closely by, “No, really, why?” but somewhere on that list I imagine there’s someone asking what I recommend you use to clean your scruffy mug. So I’m going to tell you.
Greetings my furry followers! Long time no see. I’ve taken a long hiatus but thanks to the all the fan mail (none) and carefully crafted tales of how my blog has improved your lives (none) I’ve decided to make my triumphant return to entertain (torture) you.
Recently, on the twitters, @edypiro asked me what my top 3 moustache waxes are. Before I do this you need to know that my moustache has gotten pretty long and has always been hard to control. Most of the traditional waxes I’ve used don’t hold it very well any longer but that’s not to say they aren’t great for people with less schnauzer-esque faces.
Greetings loyal readers! Summer is definitely in full gear and, if you’re anything like me, your moustache is drooping and your hair goop is dripping into your eyes. With that in mind it’s time we take a look at something less melty. It’s time to look at “Captain Fawcett’s ‘Private Stock’ Beard Oil”. Holy cow! If this from the Captain’s private stock this should be some good stuff.
Captain Fawcett is a mysterious fellow. In terms of background the best I can do is point you to his webpage and his charmingly eccentric twitter feed. What I can tell you is that the Captain has given us an excellent moustache wax in 3 varieties. We’ve already looked at those and they got high marks so the expectations on his beard oil are pretty high.
Once upon a time there were three bears: the mama bear, the papa bear and the baby bear and their porridge was too…(ring, ring). Hang on, I need to take this. Hey man, make it quick. I’m telling a story. Yea I know I’m supposed to do the Dax review but I’m kind of in the middle of this. Yea, but…Fine!
Once upon a time there were three hair dresses. The strong hold hair dress, the medium hold hair dress and the light hold hair dress and they were all made by Imperial Dax. Let me get on track before I carry the analogy too far. I received a whole bunch of samples from Imperial Dax (henceforth referred to as Dax). The centerpiece being a trio of pomades: Wave and Groom (the papa bear), Neat Waves (the mama bear) and Short and Neat (the baby bear).
I wanted to do all three products in a single review because they all have similarities. On Dax’s online store they even sell the product in a trio of 3.5 oz tins. If this isn’t indicative of a family relationship then I don’t know what is but when I hit the 1500 word mark I knew that wasn’t going to work.
Last month I had the good fortune to be contacted by Mr Bear of Mr Bear Mustaschvax. He asked if I’d be interested in reviewing his moustache wax and beard oil. Never one to say no to free goodies I took him up on his generous offer. Coming from Sweden, the package took some time to get to me but when it did it contained more than just moustache wax and beard oil, it had the Swedish newspaper comics! I tore into my tin of wax, styled my moustache, grabbed the funnies and headed to the cafe to Google Translate some laughs.
Mr Bear is located in Sweden and is a one man show. He hand makes the moustache wax using all natural ingredients and no “yaky” stuff so it’s petroleum free. The ingredients are very easy to wrap your head around: Beeswax, Lanolin, Shea Butter, Lemon Oil. That’s it. Very cool. The lanolin and shea butter will offer you some conditioning as well.
Hey kids! I took a little vacation but I’m back. Thanks for waiting for me. When I left I thought it would be fun to go au naturale. I didn’t bring any pomades or my shaving kit. I did bring some moustache wax because that’s harder to scrounge for should my will break.
Glorious Green Goop
My will broke about 1 day in and I went hunting for a pomade. I was surrounded by “beauty” stores, how hard could it be? Let’s see, American Crew, got2b, American Crew, Axe, American Crew…Ok, maybe this would be harder than I thought. Finally I came around to a counter that had Jack Black stuff, which are good products but no pomades, and Woody’s. Woody’s looks like your typical ‘too cool for school’ men’s grooming supplies but what the hell, I never tried it before and I live for adventure!..and coffee.
I always check the referrers to see what brings people to the site to get an idea for what people want to know more about. For example: I frequently see vegan in the search terms. I don’t think I have everything here that’s vegan labelled as such so that’s a project for me. Something I see less frequently is a search for a specific product I didn’t know about. For example: Fisticuffs Mustache Wax.
I found the name interesting because, as we all know, “fisticuffs” are shirt cuffs that are big enough to allow your fist through. Very useful if you have big, giant hands and want to wear tightly tailored shirts…hang on, editor on the line…(Yea, I’m doing the fisticuffs review…of course I did the research…what, really?…Ok, see ya).
In case you’re unfamiliar with ye olde combat sports, fisticuffs is bare knuckle boxing with the late great John L. Sullivan as it’s iconic poster boy. Mr. Sullivan himself sported a fancy handlebar stache. Is Fisticuffs Mustache Wax strong enough for even the great Mr. Sullivan? ding ding! Let’s get ready to …wax! (See how I cleverly avoided being sued by Michael Buffer?)