Make sure you look for the ‘Beard Shampoo’. Just washing your beard with Abraham won’t end well.
I will now open your hearts and mind with a poem.
leaky coffee lid
winter’s breath chills my cheeks
my beard needs a bath
If this poem has moved you then you understand one of the myriad of challenges faced by the blessed beard bearers. Oh, the sticky beard, what do? If I comb you, I pull out hairs but if I do nothing you are stinky. Alas, the clogged pores! What are we to do?
I get tons of questions in the piles and piles of mail I get and trust me, those piles of mail: totally giant. Imagine the amount of mail Santa Claus gets around the holidays and that’s one day for me…yup…pretending is fun. One of the most frequently asked question is, “Why do you bother doing this?” followed closely by, “No, really, why?” but somewhere on that list I imagine there’s someone asking what I recommend you use to clean your scruffy mug. So I’m going to tell you.