As you can probably tell by the products I’ve chosen to review, I prefer water-based pomades over petroleum ones. It’s not any sort of “every day is earth day” decision. The simple fact is that I’m addicted to pomades and I want to wear a different one every day. It’s harder to do that with grease because it just stays in your hair for so long that you’re committed to it for the next couple of days. All that changed after I tried Groom & Clean.
I’d been looking around for magical methods to remove grease. Let’s look at the common options:
- Dishwashing liquid – No. I prefer my hair not to look like straw.
- Clarifying shampoo – No. I prefer my hair not to look and feel like straw
- Shave your head – No. Phrenologists charge me by the hour also…addict
- Olive oil – Maybe. This probably works but I didn’t want a big jug of olive oil in the shower.
Though in some corners of the net the words. “Groom & Clean” were being whispered, digital fingers being conspiratorially placed alongside digital noses.
What the hell, this stuff is like 5 bucks, right?
Groom & Clean is a hairstyling product from Suave. I attempted to find it on the Suave web page but I guess it’s too old to promote anymore. I did find a commercial from the 1960s that says it’s the first water-active hair dressing. I’ve embedded the video for your viewing pleasure until the takedown notice arrives.
From this we learn that mermaids appreciate a man who’s groomed properly before they lure them out to sea and drown them. I imagine it’s because that greasy brand tastes bad but Groom & Clean comes right out in the struggle.
The box is a boring rectangular, white affair with the words Groom & Clean printed in bold with some color on the ampersand. Honestly, the whole thing looks like it popped out of a time machine. It practically begs you to walk past it while thinking about your dad. The tube it comes in no better. Same font. Looks like a big toothpaste tube complete with screw on cap.
Unscrew the cap and you can squeeze out some light blue gel. The smell is distinctly your dad or your grandpa. I imagine this is what Darrin from Bewitched smelled like. We’re talking Dick York here, you can keep your Dick Sargent. Anyway, it’s your typical gel consistency, very soft.
I really didn’t care how this stuff held my hair. It’s mostly water and oil so ya know, it’s going to weigh down your hair and leave it oily. What I cared about was grease removal. I greased up with Cock Grease X in the morning (love that stuff) and went about my day. When I got home around 5 I put about 2 inches of Groom & Clean in my hair (hey, how do you recommend I measure goo coming out of a tube). I left it in for about 3 hours. It was pretty fun. I could actually feel the hair separating where the grease was breaking down and losing its hold. I washed it out with my normal shampoo and conditioner and bang! No more grease. Crazy. I tried it the next day with Schmiere mittel and got the same result. Groom & Clean is amazing.
If you’re one of the numerous pomade addicts that have been searching for a grease removing product that won’t fry your hair, this is it. The quest is over. Put it in, let it sit, rinse it out before bed and you’re ready for something new in the morning. This is another one of those products that makes me wonder how I got by without it for so long.
You can get Suave Groom & Clean just about everywhere if you look for it. I got mine at CVS. Here’s a Google Shopping link.
Disclosure: I am not associated with Suave, Cock Grease or any of the products or web pages mentioned in this article. The 4.5oz tube of Groom & Clean I used to write this article was purchased by myself from CVS.